Eenie, Meenie, MineyClyde
by roar526
Summary: A collaborative effort with BuJyo in response to the baby prompt challenge issued over on LJ. Don't need to know challenge to enjoy. Mary has babies on the brain and on the job. How will she handle it and can Marshall handle her?


**This is a short collaborative effort between roar526 and BuJyo in response to the baby prompt challenge issued by helovesmexx over on LJ. The chart of words and bonus words to be used can be found there and have been highlighted in the fic. Hopefully, you can enjoy it with or without knowledge of the challenge.**

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"I'm freaking starving," Mary said, walking over to the refrigerator and looking unhappily at the contents within. "Where's the turkey? Who ate the god damn **turkey leg**?" She couldn't figure out why she was so hungry and felt so fat all at the same time.

"Querida, are you hungry?" Raph said as he wrapped his arm around her waist and placed his other hand on her stomach. "More **cravings**?"

"Raph? What the hell are you doing here?" Mary looked at him in surprise as she pulled away.

"I got out of work early, so I thought I'd work on putting the **crib** together."

"Crib? What the hell are you…" Mary started to say, looking at him like he was crazy. "I want to know what you are doing here, in my house."

"Are you okay, Mary? Do you need to lie down?" He asked, looking at her, concerned, and taking her hand. "Is this what the doctor was talking about? Mood swings because of your hormone levels?"

"My** hormones **are just fine," she snapped. "It's my adrenaline that's going to become the problem if you don't tell me why you're here, Raph. You don't live here anymore."

"Mary, I'm right here where I belong with you and our baby."

As Raph reached out a hand to rub her stomach, Mary looked down to see the bulge that was her abdomen. The room began to spin as she screamed and she woke with a start, nightshirt soaked from the cold sweat.

***

She walked into the office later that morning, the **panic** she had felt upon waking from her nightmare still lingering. While the break up with Raph had been upsetting, it was nothing compared to the idea of having a baby. She was not mother material and couldn't understand how Raph, or anyone for that matter, could have thought otherwise.

"You okay?" Marshall asked as he watched her cross the office to her desk.

"Nothing a box of **chocolate covered **pretzels and some **Spanish sangria **can't fix," she said as she took off her jacket and sat down. Her computer hadn't even booted up when Marshall was in front of her with a cup of coffee.

"I'll see what I can do, but for now…" Handing her the mug of steaming liquid, he examined her carefully as she accepted the beverage with a nod and took a sip.

"**Alien invasion **or giant garden gnome?" Marshall deadpanned.

Mary glared at him.

"You obviously didn't sleep last night, so you might as well just tell me which recurring nightmare it was. Unless you want me to spend the day trying to guess?" A mischievous grin appearing as the ideas began to form in his head.

"Neither, wise ass." Some days it really annoyed her that Marshall knew her as well as he did; not even her nightmares were her own. "If you really must know, I had a nightmare that I was pregnant."

He pulled the cup away from his mouth and tried to keep from spewing his coffee all over her desk.

"You, pregnant?" he said incredulously. "Oh God, now **I'm** going to have nightmares."

"Okay, listen up!" Stan's voice drew their attention as the man emerged from his office waving a file in the air, "I have good news and I have bad news…which do you want first?"

Mary and Marshall exchanged a look and Mary shrugged. "Bad news while I still have coffee," she suggested.

Stan handed them each a sheet of paper as he began, "Arriving in our illustrious city after midnight tonight is Marshall's new witness. **Nine months ago**, Bernard Wallace Chrapek III rolled over on his cousin's importing business to expose a large, international smuggling operation. Of course, his life was forfeit. Of course, we stepped in to keep him alive until the trial. And, of course, he stupidly ignored the rules and now has to be relocated due to a security breach."

"What did he do? Contact old **friends**, join an online dating service, start his own smuggling business…?" Marshall continued reading while he asked.

"He appeared on a local game show one night. Tried to win tickets to Disneyworld. Didn't know the show was broadcast on satellite." Stan drawled.

Marshall raised his eyebrows as he finished reading. "Come on, Stan, don't make us **pump** you for information, what's the bad news? Seems pretty straight forward to me."

"I think the bad news is that this schmuck's name is Bernard Wallace. What kind of **parents **name their kid something like that?" Mary was still scanning the file.

Stan smirked and handed the marshals the next piece of information. "The bad news is that he's bringing his girlfriend and their six children with him. And she's pregnant with the seventh."

Marshall groaned as Mary began to chuckle. "Well, hell, once you pop out one out of **wedlock**, why not go for the gusto? Looks like you got your hands full, pal."

"Where the hell are we going to put them all?" Marshall asked.

"Hotel for now. Got a couple of rooms for them and one for you two." Stan laid the rest of the file on Marshall's desk and turned back towards his office.

"Wait a minute," Marshall called, "what's the good news?"

Stan was all smiles as he suddenly clicked his fingers and reached in his jacket pocket. Tossing the objects he found to Marshall, he replied, "I was able to get the motor pool to loan us a vehicle. Enjoy the** minivan**."

Marshall stared at the keys in horror while Mary threw her head back and laughed.

*** *** ***

"Jesus," Mary muttered, staring at the brood lined up along the wall. Dumbfounded, she leaned toward Marshall and said, "I hope they weren't auditioning to be the next Jon and Kate because I think America's over it."

"Some people like kids, you know," Marshall responded, attempting to hide the smirk as Mary's look morphed into a strange combination of disgust and pity. "Be nice," he warned as held out his arm, indicating for her to take the lead down the hall toward the wannabe Waltons.

"Oh, I'll be nice…when I'm riding behind you in the Probe," Mary shot over her shoulder as she reached the couple soon to be known as Barney Simms and Cynthia Blake. "I'm Marshal Sheppard and this is my partner, Marshal Miller. Are we ready to get going? Great." Without waiting for an answer, she turned to leave, only to be stopped short.

"Excuse me, Marshal, but do you know how long it's going to be before we get to the hotel?" Barney asked sheepishly. "We've been traveling all day. The kids are getting a little cranky and Cindy's in her third **trimester**…"

"You know, I heard they have this new thing called birth control," Mary quipped, "and some of it is even **99.9 % effective**."

Their newest witnesses looked at her as if she had two heads and Marshall quickly stepped in to diffuse the situation.

"What my partner is trying to say is that we'll see if we can get permission to go over the Memorandum of Understanding at the hotel. That way everyone will be a little more comfortable." He smiled at the couple before turning and nodding for Mary to follow. "I'm going to go call Stan and let him know we'll be heading right for the hotel. Just keep them out of trouble for two minutes and if possible, don't talk."

Much to Mary's chagrin, even with a minivan, there wasn't enough room for the entire family and Marshall, so she was forced to take Barney with her. As soon as he was buckled in, he started talking. She hated talkers. Rolling her eyes, she threw the car into drive, and followed Marshall out of the lot, praying for an **accident** to put her out of her misery.

*** *** ***

"**It's a boy**," Mary stated, plopping down on one of the beds in their room.

"I know," Marshall responded as he removed his jacket and sat down across from her on the other bed. "Cynthia told me."

"What does that make it?"

"Four girls and three boys."

"What the hell is wrong with those people?" she asked rhetorically, but expected a lecture. When Marshall was silent, she continued, "The **sleepless nights **and the **diapers**! Christ, I don't even want to think about how many diapers."

Marshall stood with a shrug and dragged his bag across the **blanket** to the foot of the bed. "Most people who have a lot of children view each one as a chance at **new beginnings**. Another hope for a better future. The sacrifices are worth the rewards."

Mary rolled her eyes, feeling a smidge guilty for her cynicism. A bag suddenly landed on her lap and she jumped in surprise, then gave a little hoot of delight as she realized what she had. Dove chocolates…and the good kind; **dark chocolate**.

"Something to put in your mouth so you don't insult the witnesses during the induction," Marshall drawled, ducking as she threw the first wrapper at him.

"…hv rmbr rvr…" Mary tried to speak around a mouthful of chocolate as she brushed by him on her way to the bathroom.

"What?"

"I said," she called after shutting the door, "that I'll need to remember your **'be the river' **mantra when we're all in the same room."

Marshall's laugh was cut short as there was a loud pounding on the door. Pulling his weapon, he heard Mary rush out of the bathroom as he looked through the peephole. Barney. He threw the door open.

"We need to call a **midwife**," Barney was flushed, smiling and out of breath. "Cindy's water broke while she was in the **shower**."

Mary's eyes were as large as dinner plates. "Screw the midwife, call a damn ambulance!"

"It's not an emergency, Mary," Marshall explained with a sigh, "Barney, Presbyterian Hospital is only ten minutes away, why don't you get Cindy packed up and I'll get some marshals here for the kids while we get you two over there."

"No way," their witness protested. "Cindy won't birth at a hospital. Every one of ours was a home birth."

"She's going to drop the kid in the hotel room?" Mary squeaked.

"She'd probably let you help with the birth, Mary. Add to the feminine spirit of the environment," Barney offered.

Marshall would remember the look on his partner's face for the rest of his days. Still shaking with laughter ten minutes later, he and Barney were finally able to compose themselves and make a plan.

*** *** *** ***

"This was left for you two," Eleanor announced as she walked a package over to their desks.

"Is it ticking?" Mary droned as she glanced over.

"I could only hope," Eleanor singsonged, earning a glare from Mary.

"Ooo! Presents!" Marshall grabbed the package with a smile, beginning to peel away the tape as Mary suddenly objected.

"Hey! If there's something in there with my name on it, **it's mine**."

She pushed out of her chair, heading over to Marshall's desk to supervise his actions. The package contained two more, smaller gift bags. A note was tucked into the packing. Seeing her name on one bag, Mary grabbed it while her partner read the note:

_We can't repay you enough for all your help and support during Clyde's birth, so we thought we'd do the next, best thing. The baptism is on Nov. 3__rd__. Tell Mary there will be chocolates!_ _Blessings, Barney and Cindy_

"What the hell…" Mary's puzzled exclamation and Eleanor's chuckle spurred Marshall to open his bag. He smiled and made room on his desk.

Coffee cups. One pink, one blue, and inscribed. **Godmother** and **Godfather**.

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Hopefully this is only the first of many collaborations between BuJyo and I. We hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it.


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